Sunday, January 9, 2011

We were robbed....

We were robbed and I'm a little bitter....

I'm sure you can figure out this post has something to do with the 'A' word- Autism.  Over the holidays my cousin and her little boy (age 3) came to visit us.  The Captain and I were thrilled to have company, especially since this little guy is the next cousin in line to our 4 kids.  (I'm the oldest and my family is FINALLY beginning to produce offspring...go figure.)  So for 3 days we listened and watched this little cutie do all kinds of Normie 3 year old things like:

Yell "POOP!" randomly to get attention
Call his Mom "POOP!" when he wanted her attention
Call anyone around him "POOP! FART! STINKY" when he wanted their attention
Play with TOYS! (yes, this was totally random...we're not used to that here)
He even asked me for lunch and we sat down together and ate
We even played a GAME
He told me things...things he imagined, things he wanted to do, all about his dog....

So yea, Normie things... totally no fair.  The thing is, I saw how happy and excited the Captain was with the Normie kid.  Not that he doesn't just love H to pieces and get excited about his stuff- but it was kinda sweet to see him going gaga over this little cutie too.  He is truly a wonderful father.  His patience with the Normie 3 yr old cutie was golden- he loved him up, played with him and even gave him time-outs!  I loved it!

At first I was unsure what this was all about, me and the Captain going gaga over a 3 yr old Normie kid. I thought it was because he is related, but today I realized when talking to my Auti-peep it was a lot more than this.

You see, I think we were robbed.

We never got to have this kind of fun with H when he was 3.  By the time he was 3, he was immersed in therapy and we were immersed in all kinds of fun things like grief, financial hell, dispair, humility and the 90000 other emotions that go along with having a special needs child.  Needless to say H was also not interested, nor EVER interested in being typical.  His childhood has been one that he has probably found joyful, while we sat around and tried to figure out how to accpet the fact that we had no idea what exactly it is he found joyful.  Does that make sense?

I believe nature takes a course of developmental progression with kids.  As parents, we naturally follow along instinctively.  Just like they develop to the next level, we naturally anticipate the next step with them.  With H, we would anticipate but it never came.  Like I told my Auti-peep today, I'm still waiting on those steps.  Will they ever come?  If they do or have come, I probably wouldn't recognize it if it slapped me in the face because it isn't what nature typically predicts.

So yes, I know some will read this and think I have issues not accepting my child's special needs...shame on me for wishing he was a Normie- but I can tell you I love that little bugger who has turned our lives upside down and inside out.

 I love the boy, but today I hate the A.  We were robbed.  No fair.


  1. Not only do I feel robbed, but I feel it over and over and over again. Every time I'm with or around a normie kiddo. My bird isn't the kind of kid who had skills and lost them- we've always waited for each and every milestone. Nothing came easy or on time. My normie niece (13 months old) walked at 12 months and my MIL said "it's so fun to see a little baby walk around like that." you know, because the bird didn't walk til almost 2. Ouch!
    My husband feels so robbed that he really really really wants to have another baby. He says he "wants the chance to have a normal kid." I think we had the chance and it didn't happen for us. Sigh.

    I love your use of the word normie!! Glad it's catching on ;)

  2. I like your blog and your honesty. I don't think you're bitter- I think you are realistic. All of us who have children on the spectrum were robbed and I can't stand the Polly Anna type parents who won't admit that. Over and over again I hear some of these AHOLES say, "we're better, not bitter." Yeah sure. F that!

  3. We were robbed, too! And it's great to find another parent who feels that way - and it willing to say it. I love my daughter, am really proud of the progress she has made and am willing to do if I could take her "A" away.

    Glad to run across a blogger from Michigan - I'll stop by more often!

  4. Hey!! I too am a Marlowe with a 7year old with Autism.....I'm thinking...You might just be the "Marlowe" who I once upon a time chatted with on an Autism forum....? Hmm...? Anyway, I have enjoyed your blog! keep it up sista!

    Marlowe Krueger-Kaufmann

  5. I couldn't help but cry when I read this post. Parents of children with special needs so often miss out on the things that other parents get annoyed by. Robbed. Yes. Unfair. Yes. I am so sorry!